Willie Stargell gave his Hall of Fame induction speech while looking like every exasperated movie police captain who’s tired of dealing with loose cannon cops.
“Ya lollygag the ball around the infield. Ya lollygag your way down to first. Ya lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry?”
“Lollygaggers.”
“What’s your name?”
“Fuck you, that’s my name! You know why, mister? Because you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove a $80,000 BMW. That’s my name.”
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“Dad, Mom was supposed to get me Nikes for the first day of school and she brought these home instead.”
“I’m sure it will be fine.”
“You really think so?”
“No, it’s probably not going to go well for you at all tomorrow.”
About twice a year I like to impulse buy a pack of Orange Tic Tacs and just pound that whole motherfucker in like 13 seconds. Anybody else getting in on that magic too?
Jack Tripper and Larry Dallas. If you know, you know. If you don’t, think “The Jordan and Pippen of the 70s dating scene.”
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